marriage tid bits from a still newly-wed....
- Just suck it up and be the first to say sorry. even if you don't really feel like it was your fault. for some reason the first one to give grace just causes a domino affect and its so much easier to work things through.
- Your spouse is not your enemy, and is not out to get you. Don't forge the value in remembering good will. Your spouse (even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment) LOVES you, treasures you and probably feels really bad for the dumb thing they did or said.
- if you are like me, you struggle with knowing when to be 'constructive' and not to be. Do I tell him he left his clothes on the floor again and it bothered me, or do I pick them up and just let it go? but what if that just enables irresponsibility? haha the thought went through my brain our first month of marriage. The best action - the next time you are having a marriage pow-pow to evaluate how things are going, have a conversation about things that you love and things that you would like your spouse to work on (come on people, we live independently for a long time and our hubbys are very different from us - we need to spell it out for them as they aren't mind readers). I told Noah in one of these pow wows "babe you are so awesome and I love this time of coming together and sharing our space. But I would really appreciate it if you could drop your clothes in the hamper I left beside your side of the bed, instead of the floor. Does that sound ok? I know it probably isn't a big deal to you but it is for me. My home is my sanctuary, and if it feels chaotic then I feel chaotic." Instead of a big angry conversation about the bad habits of your spouse it can be a great opportunity for them to learn the reasons about the request and more about YOU. (if your hubs is like mine he needs to know the WHY do understand the HOW)
- recognize your strengths and weaknesses. Trust the other in them. I am really, really bad with the finances thing. I will totally deprive myself of anything and then not be able to handle it and spend way too much. Then freak out. Plus numbers and my brain just are not friends. But my husband is a physicist. He thinks in numbers. He is great with money. So he is in charge. It was hard for this independent miss to hand this over to my hubby, especially when I know how big finances is. It can make or break a marriage. But it is so comforting to know it is in his hands. I know my budget, and I stick to it. We meet regularly (at least once a month) to talk about how our budget, how things are going and our financial goals. I still feel like I am part of it, but I don't feel the weight.
- make time for eachother. We have been so grateful for distance from family and friends (ok, well I wasn't at first). For the first few years of marriage we just have time for eachother. It has been so good. I would definitely any newly married couple to leave and cleave for a while. Some friends of mine moved to a different country for a year just to do this together. Its so great and causes you to hold to eachother in a way you just can't do if you live in a safe and comfortable community.
more thoughts to come!!
enjoy the ride people, its sweet, hard, painful, beautiful, heart wrenching and incredible. And most of all so, so good!!!
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