My beautiful friends

With Laura Stitt and my Mum - how I need these two women so!!!


My beautiful sister and I in front of our favorite beach and volcano - Rangitoto


Jo and I, together again


Lana and I this past visit :)



I have beautiful, beautiful friends. Amazing women who inspire me day after day. Lana, my bestie from high school is in medical school. Jo, my bestie from {life, I guess?} has a degree in social policy, just completed her post graduate degree in counseling and works as a school counselor to abused and traumatized kids. She also works as a manager for a youth home for kids just out of prison. I said I have amazing friends! Then ofcourse there is my sister who is completing her double degree in secondary teaching and arts. She also leads worship on sunday and runs a "community of inquiry" - a group that welcomes people from all faiths and backgrounds to discuss things about spirituality and God (however they define them). She is available to people, and doesn't do the whole tracts & soapbox thing. a true radical.
My mum supported my dad through his seminary training, and now serves at the church as an amazing mentor to young mums and works at the seminary school. Laura Stitt is the coolest mom I know {to FIVE kids}, and does bible in schools with her awesome husband on fridays. These women bring more joy to my life than words can describe. I hope someday I can bless them in the way they have blessed me. I am a far better person because of them.

ofcourse there is Noah too :) his service, grace and love these past 16 months of married life have been incredible. I couldn't ask for a better friend and companion.

Wise words from my mentor

God has blessed me with an amazing mentor. She has known me since before I was born. Held me when I was a baby, and held me when I cried my eyes out at 18. God knew I would need her, and laid out the path to our friendship years before we either knew it would exist. Here we are in 2010, just after Noah and I were married. {and with her hubby and two beautiful adopted daughters} We only see eachother every couple of years, but are kindred spirits. She is always there, even from far away. I am so thankful God put her in my life. I love I have a woman years down the track from me who can guide me, pray for me, love me and encourage me. In only ways another woman can. we need that. God designed us for that.

She often sends me quotes and words of wisdom that she feels/thinks I need. I keep them close. This one on growth was just awesome, and I had to share it. Its from a book that she read.


" I met with my boss who was in his fifties. I told him I was anxious to find the perfect job for me, and quick. In his opinion, it takes about 10 years after college to find the right fit, and anyone who finds it earlier than that is just plain lucky. So use every bit of your 10 years: try things, take classes, start over. This time is about figuring things out. This is also a great time to start some counseling to become more whole and healthy and/or meet with a career counselor. You might have just enough space from your parents to start digging around your childhood a little bit. Unravel knots that keep you from living a healthy, whole life. Do it now before more time passes.

This is a perfect time to get involved with a church you love, no matter how different it is from the one you were part of growing up. Be patient and prayerful, and decide that you're going to be a person who grows, who seeks their own faith, who lives with intention. Try different kinds of communities, different sizes and denominations and traditions. I know most people need a season of space, a time to take a step back and evaluate the spiritual context of their youth. I didn't go to church for a long season in college, and that space and freedom was so important for me. It gave me the perspective I needed to find my own faith. But it's very easy for a season of space to turn into several years without any kind of spiritual groundedness. It's easy to wake up several years from now and find yourself unable to locate that precious, faith-filled part of your heart and history, because it slowly disintegrated over months and years. Don't do that. Do whatever you have to do to connect with God in a way that feels authentic and truthful to you. Do it now, so that you don't regret the person you become, little by little, over time, without it.

This is the thing: when you start to hit twenty-eight or thirty, everything starts to divide, and you can see very clearly two kinds of people: on one side, people who have used their twenties to learn and grow, to find God and themselves and their deep dreams, people who know what works and what doesn't, who have pushed through to become real live adults. And then there's the other kind, who hang onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They've stayed in jobs they hate because they're too scared to get another one. They've stayed with men or women who are good but not great because they don't want to be lonely. They mean to find a church, they mean to develop honest, intimate friendships, they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party. But they don't do those things, so they live a kind of adolescence, no closer to adulthood than they were when they graduated college. Don't be like that. Don't get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. Walk away, try something new. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season, of twenties, is about becoming. Don't lose yourself at happy hour, but don't lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop once in a while and go out for coffee or climb into bed with your journal. Ask yourself some good questions like, Am I proud of the life I'm living? What have I tried this month? What have I learned about God this year? What parts of my childhood faith am I leaving behind and what parts am I choosing to keep with me for this leg of the journey? Do the people I'm spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that's keeping me from moving forward? For a while in my early twenties I felt like I woke up a different person every day, and was constantly confused about which one, if any, was the real me.

Now is your time. Become, believe, try. Walk closely with the people you love, and with other people who believe God is very good and life is a grand adventure. Don't spend time with people who make you feel less than you are. Don't get stuck in the past, and don't try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven't yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life's path."

Wonderful Fall Weekend

Noah and I had a tough week last week. One of my major faults is that I get WAAAAAAY too emotional about things. And when I am stressed out/burnt out, I can be so ridiculous. So I was rotten last week. I threw a tantrum that noah didn't charge his phone and left me waiting for him at school for ages. I got upset about money and paying off {frustrating} loans. I cried about missing New Zealand (ok, that one is allowed). I had a freak out about decision making for next year. We seriously have some major decisions to make. Noah finishes his masters in may and then our life is wide open. The hard thing about being married is that now you have TWO people's lives and careers and school to figure out. I know it seems like, duh - isn't that obvious, but you just kinda forget about it until major decisions have to be made. I'm applying to medical school, and Noah's applying for jobs. we are praying our tails off that we find them in the same place :) Plus we are applying for stuff in Australia and New Zealand, not down the street. And when you apply for stuff overseas there is a TON of paperwork involved. Sigh.
So normally I take it one day at a time. When I don't, I freak out.
So back to the beginning of this post. You know those crazy hard conversations where you are both super emotionally charged and sitting on the edge of your seat because you are trying so hard to communicate but its just not reaching the other person in the same language??!!? gah, we had several of those. So several hours later of tears, anger, frustration we worked it out. We forgave eachother for the harsh words. And cuddled. And bought frozen custard with snickers and m&ms and went "phew!". Its crazy how easy it is to miscommunicate. It pretty much boiled down to me being frustrated that noah couldn't be responsible enough to charge his phone, and noah wishing I was more patient. Well, we aren't perfect but we can forgive. I'm so glad I married someone who will sit down with me and work through the hard stuff. Even when its soooooooooooo emotionally draining and hard. We had these a lot more our first year when life was AWFUL in Minnesota and we haven't had one in months. So we were a little out of practice.
To be honest, so many of our arguments come out of me acting with my emotions instead of just saying, "hey babe, what you said/did hurt me and I would like to talk about that." why is that sentence so hard to say in the moment? Lord please help me to work on that one.
I also struggle because I HAVE to tell Noah how I feel. I'm not one of those woman who can just say, 'oh well, I'll let my husband do/say that". I find that inauthentic. We are two people, and we want to be known by eachother. In the good and the bad. If you can't be honest about something, how will you truly know eachother?

Anywho, I love after a hard conversation when we get into bed, look at eachother and laugh. I love that I can be real with my husband. I love that we are equals. I love that I came home and he made dinner. And lit the candles in the house to make it smell better. I love that we support eachother to grow more and push ourselves. We are better together, because we say the hard stuff. But we know we are loved unconditionally. He has seen me at my worse, and yet still loves me. What a beautiful picture of Gods love. And how much more does God love me than Noah does? Marriage is precious that way. You just have to form the deep grooves early on, so that when the carriage starts to shake from the storms that life brings, it is stable in the grooves.

Those deep foundations are hard. and painful. but bring life in the end.

one crazy semester

Daily & Weekly life of the Hensleys:
This semster I am being CRAZY and doing school full time and work full time. Yes, its nuts. I needed to finish my BSN, and it was cheapest to take more credits in a semester because of the whole 'banded' tuition thing. PLUS I get a raise, a bonus and tuition reimbursement from work when I complete it. I had already decided to do this plan by the time my work offered me a 0.9 to come work with them. Well, I wasn't stoked about working a 0.9 (9 days in a 14 week period....a lot for nursing because nursing is WAY INTENSE)...but I couldn't turn it down. Thankfully Noah is in school mode too. So this is what our lives look like
- wake up at 0530 am.
- Amy drops Noah off at the bus stop on the way to work.
- Amy works until 3:30pm.
- Amy leaves and picks Noah up at 4:08pm.
- Amy & Noah get home and eat.
- Amy & Noah do school work from 5pm - 9pm.
=- Amy & Noah chill out, either playing a game, talking or watching a fav show from 9-10pm
- Amy & Noah go to bed.

oh yes, our lives are SO exciting. Haha. On my days off I spend the whole day writing papers and posting online discussions until Noah is done with work. I allow myself a couple hours every two weeks to chill out, maybe go shopping or do something I enjoy.
Phew, its pretty intense. No time for gourmet cooking, baking, reading books or decorating. But only for another 12 weeks :)
We live a crazy life, but its ours and I love it! Its not perfect and we definitely get WAY STRESSED OUT. WE have said mean, mean things to eachother because we get burnt out and (I) stress out about the little things...like the house being messy. Sigh. Something I am just going to have to get over, cuz I'm not perfect and can't do it all.

My life is too complex to blog about

Sometimes I think my life is way to complex to blog about. For example, today my patients consisted of a tylenol overdose, a Hmong with a herniated disc, and an Anterior/Posterior Fusion. Not about the latest technique for folding towels, the date I went on with Noah, or what I made for dinner. But to be honest, I would rather read a blog about tylenol overdose anyways. So I will write one :) My PSA for the day is to be seriously aware about how much tylenol you are taking. Tylenol is everything!!! ok, not everything....but in a lot of narcotics, cold/flu remedies and a basketful of over the counter products. Its not that hard to consume over the maximum amount - 4,000mg. Taking two extra strength tylenol four times gets you there. Anything over that is tough cookies on your liver. My patient the past few days has had to drink 17 glasses of a medication called acetylcysteine - its the antidote to tylenol toxicity. It smells like rotten eggs. Seriously. Its so bad we have to mix it in a cup of coke/pepsi for it to be tolerable enough to swallow. Plus you have to load people up on potassium and phosphorus because your electrolytes suffer. Then you have to drink heaps of glasses of nasty tasting potassium/orange juice concoction because your liver is so shot you wouldn't be able to metabolize anything orally. I felt seriously bad for my patient. Not a fun time.

Even though my life is crazy, I really do love it. I love working as a nurse, caring for my patinets; advocating for them; managing their care in collaboration with the doctors, social workers and rehabilitation staff. I see so many people on a daily basis, and hear so many stories. I could never imagine working in any other field than health care. Its addicting, and will forever be in my blood.

A friend of mine wrote out a list of the 101 things she wants to do in 1001 days (about two and a half years). She had a pretty long list. Unfortunately I don't have the time (full time school + full time work + part time volunteer) to do all the awesome stuff she wants to do....but I do have a few dreams. They might not be down to earth daily ones like mailing people packages and designing dream dates with hubby BUT 1)I want to apply and be accepted into medical school. 2)I want to go to Nepal and deliver babies with an OBGYN in rural hospitals. 3)I want to become an HIV educator. 4)I want to do a 6 week internship with the World Health Organization in Geneva. 5)I want to meet and serve my neighbors intentionally. 6)I want to do an in-service on buying fair trade at church and at work. 7) I want to buy a microscope. 8) with the microscope I want to teach myself how to diagnose malaria on a slide. 9) crochet caps for neonatal babies in Africa. 10) Love my patients more. That is my 10 in 1001 days. I hope I can do it :)

sweet nothings from my hubs

So, I've been pretty far away from my sweet husband. And over the past week he has written me while I've been gone...either as a message, on FB chat or via skype. They are too wonderful not to be shared with the world....

while it was day time in NZ {i'm going to bed and my computer will be off. I love you so much, i'll be up early tomorrow so if you want to talk at 11pm your time, we can do that, otherwise i'll see you tomorrow morning. I miss you and wish you were in bed with me, i wish i could wrap my arms around you when you're sad and lonely. We'll be together in no time, I love you so much it's ridiculous}

{can't wait to process with you, love. You're such a wonderful woman and wife. Thanks for being the best wife ever. Have fun today, did the engraving turn out to be good? I'll be on from 1:30 pm on. You is smart, you is kind, you is important!!! I love you heaps!!!}


On FB wall after I had an anxiety attack {Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.}

On FB after a follow up whine session by me about how I don't know what I want to be when I grow up {Hi Ames, hope you're having a wonderful time in New Zealand. I can't wait to see what God does with our lives! Even though we don't know what we'll be doing a year from know, thankfully, He knows! :)}

From my love to his love {Hey I love you. I'm thinking about you always. Try to not worry about your future plans, it's okay to not know what you are going to be doing with your life. God knows and he'll lead us in the right direction. He cares about you, be sure to pray in the morning and listen to a worship song or something (Desert song!) "When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their troubles." (Psalm 34:17) You're an amazing woman of God and you have a lot to offer people (and you don't even have to try...you just ooze love and care). "Why are you cast down, O Amy's soul, and why are you disquieted within her? Hope in God; for we shall again praise Him, my help and my God. By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his son is with us, a prayer to the God of our lives." (Psalm 42: 5,8) Remember that God is your rock and he alone can bring you back to peace. "My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken." (Psalm 62:1-2) I hope some of these verses help. I know you feel really sad and lonely, and you miss me :(:(, I miss you to and I feel sad too. We'll see each other soon and we'll have each other for the rest of our lives. :):) Please remember that God is your strength and He holds every tear that comes out of your pretty eyes. I can't wait to know what you're going to do in the future, and I know it's going to be great, but leave it in the future for right now and worry about today. I love you so much, i hope this wasn't a lecture but an encouragement. You are so beautiful, amazing, filled with love, bright, happy, and lovely lady...and don't ever forget it! When you think of friends and how much you're going to miss them, dwell on the fact that you'll have more fun times with them. When you think of how much you're missing me, don't despair, just let it be a reminder of how much you love me! :):) Love you mostest ;);)}

Isn't he the bestest? Man, I have a life so much better than I deserve.

Aotearoa

Well, I'm back home in New Zealand. Did you know the Maori word for New Zealand is Aotearoa? It means land of the long white cloud. New Zealand always has these big beautiful clouds over it because of the ocean winds, its ethreal.
Goodness, its so good to be home. The wonderful fresh air, all of the plants and shrubbery, the rolling green hills and of course the ocean. oh the ocean. how it brings peace to my soul.
I just love kiwi culture. I love that is centered around people, and a cup of hot tea. As soon as I landed I had friends ringing who wanted to pop by. How I have missed people popping by....its so un-american. I don't have to pencil everyone in three weeks in advance. They want to see me, now, and I'm so cool with that.
We drove down to Hamilton where laura {awesome sister} goes to university, to help her get ready for a ball tonight. After she left mum and I sat in the living room of her house, while her flat mates just wanted to get to know me better....over a cup of tea ofcourse. They wanted us to stay for dinner, and stay the night too if needed. So awesome. I secretly love that the women and girls here aren't covered in makeup. I love that they wear jeans and sweaters to family functions. Everyone is so authentic, real and down to earth. its so refreshing. sigh.
how my heart longs to be back. I went house hunting with my best friend and her hubby yesterday, and I am so incredibly excited for them. I can't wait for it to be our turn - someday!!
I was thinking today about how I could describe New Zealand and its people, to non-kiwis. I really can't think of the words. But its magical. I remember after our wedding, all of our foreign guests just raved about their time, and how hospitable everyone was. I didn't have a single person not say to me that they wanted to live here one day. It does that too you...gets into your blood.
I feel like I can be ME here....unabashed, mess and all. I love that I could have a messy house, and have people over....does anyone else get a little bit sick of keeping up the image of perfection in America (and elsewhere?!). I do. I feel like I have to be martha stewart sometimes...with nice clothes, a manicured front lawn, and the latest STUFF. Don't forget the HUGE diamond you have to have on your left hand. Can't live without that.
I really am not trying to bash the states, I do love it - truly. But there are some things about some of the culture that drives me nuts. And being home makes it all the more blatant.
So I have two wonderful weeks to let my hair down, soak in the love and hospitality and put my makeup bag away. And to enjoy copious cups of tea with people I love and treasure. Who, best of all, make the time for me.
Thank you Lord for this rest, you are so Faithful.

I love my husband.

Ok, so I sometimes have a hard time being all gushy and romantic on the web because a) I don't want to hurt singles b) I don't want to appear fake or attention seeking c) my love for noah is legit and doesn't need facebook or my blog to go to bat for it.BUT My wonderful friend Nicole is committed to end spouse-bashing on the web, and create a "love-bashing" of our husbands (or so she calls it!). So, my beloved Noah, how do I love thee? let me count the ways....
- I love that you love me, even when I am stressed out/freaking out/psyched out
- Your love for me is such a picture of God's love for me, because it is sacrificial, grace filled, honoring and merciful.
- I love that you cry with me when we watch sappy movies
- (on that note) I love how you know when I am ABOUT to start crying, so you pull me close to you and kiss my forehead
- I love that you share all things with me, and that we have no secrets
- I love that you want to be the very best husband you can be
- I love that you love my dreams, and are committed to seeing them come true, even when I start to give up
- I love that you want to share parenting, so I can work if I need to, and aren't obssessed with your career
- I love watching you work on yourself, as you try to become more like Jesus
- I love that you buy me bags of fair trade coffee when away on your trips
- I love that you make the bed everyone morning with me, and keep the house tidy even when I'm away, because you love me
- I love that I can trust you, and never ever doubt you
- I love how you stand up for me, and are strong for me when I am so, so weak
- I love your heart for others & the poor, and love that I can partner with you in dreaming about missions
- I admire you, respect you, love you (ofcourse!) and am inspired by your faithfullness, patience and goodness.
- I love that you push me to exercise....its so good for me, but how I hate it..
- I love that you want to spoil me, and boy you do a good job at it!
- I love your face, and love falling asleep to it and waking up to it
- I love our life together, and couldn't have even dreamed up a better one. You are my soul mate, I will love you all the days of my life.

ramblings from a sleep deprived mind

Its quite late in New Zealand right now, and I have been up for approximately 36 hours with only a 4 hour nap on the plane....so I am definitely not as sharp as I could be. But my awesome husband couldn't come with me on this trip, so my keyboard will have to be my processing forum for this trip (since its 5am his time). I have been in New Zealand about ten hours right now. I am sitting on my old bed, in my old bedroom, in the house I grew up in. I grew up in this room. Cried and laughed in this room. Left this house in a beautiful white dress to go marry the man of my dreams.
Its kinda strange being back.
I have so, so many thoughts. Firstly, what a privileged life I live. I am a citizen of two countries, and have beautiful friendships in both places. I am an international, and have a global worldview as a result. I have so many amazing opportunities because of my unique life...but I also don't live a life like many other people. Not many people know that pains of a life filled with goodbyes. Not many people have flown internationally every single year of their life. Not many people skype on a daily basis. I live a pretty incredibly full life. My weekends aren't spent eating icecream, watching movies, scouring blog sites and blogging (I think I would like that...I blog like once every 6 months...but I would probably get bored with the predictability). No, I spend my weekends doing school work, or at work (every other...the joys of being a nurse!). The precious free time I do have is spent with hubs, talking/catching up and just enjoying each others company.
Sometimes I wonder if my life is behind everyone elses...ya know, we won't be having kids for a while, buying a house is at least 7 years away, and I still have a longing for graduate school. A lot of my friends seem to be moving way faster than me.
But ya know what, our life isn't like everyone elses. We are called to different things. A tough calling, but its ours. I think in the end, even though it is difficult, the growth it will bring will be awesome....I also think Noah and I will have a deeper relationship than maybe some other people would have, because of the mountains and valleys we endured.
On that note, even though it is so hard sometimes because we dont have a lot of community and friends, a mentor of mine the other day told me she though that this time we have together is super special, and that we should feel super blessed that we are in a situation where we can just pour into eachother because we don't have a lot of family & friend commitments. She thought that maybe God has a busy season ahead for us, and he is blessing us with this time now because he knows time may be harder to find in the future. It was such a good 'perspective' moment for me. I need to be content with where God has us, even though it may not look like what I wanted or dreamed it would look like. Because its even better than I could imagine because God sees so much more of the picture than I do.
I have to admit though, its tough to be here in a sense. I have so many people in Auckland who know me, love me, have a history and root system with me....we are connected by memories and experiences that span my childhood. My dad is a pastor so I have a whole church body I am close to. My life was filled with people coming into our home, as my parents are hugely gifted in hospitality. I am used to a life with a thriving community. I don't have that in Minnesota. I don't even know what that looks like for me as wife, and for us as a married couple, because we just haven't been connected into that type of fellowship. Being back makes me want it so bad. I just want to pack up and move here as soon as we can next year. But then would that be right? we shouldnt move just for people right? but God designed us for community? Do we suck it up a little more and be in Australia for grad school? do we come back to NZ instead? decisions, decisions. more like praying for leading. praying for leading.
I know it is in our future though. We feel the call back to New Zealand. Maybe thats why God wants us to enjoy our time together now, because he knows how full our life will be in NZ. Maybe, just maybe.
sorry for the ramble...going to bed now....zzz