Its quite late in New Zealand right now, and I have been up for approximately 36 hours with only a 4 hour nap on the plane....so I am definitely not as sharp as I could be. But my awesome husband couldn't come with me on this trip, so my keyboard will have to be my processing forum for this trip (since its 5am his time). I have been in New Zealand about ten hours right now. I am sitting on my old bed, in my old bedroom, in the house I grew up in. I grew up in this room. Cried and laughed in this room. Left this house in a beautiful white dress to go marry the man of my dreams.
Its kinda strange being back.
I have so, so many thoughts. Firstly, what a privileged life I live. I am a citizen of two countries, and have beautiful friendships in both places. I am an international, and have a global worldview as a result. I have so many amazing opportunities because of my unique life...but I also don't live a life like many other people. Not many people know that pains of a life filled with goodbyes. Not many people have flown internationally every single year of their life. Not many people skype on a daily basis. I live a pretty incredibly full life. My weekends aren't spent eating icecream, watching movies, scouring blog sites and blogging (I think I would like that...I blog like once every 6 months...but I would probably get bored with the predictability). No, I spend my weekends doing school work, or at work (every other...the joys of being a nurse!). The precious free time I do have is spent with hubs, talking/catching up and just enjoying each others company.
Sometimes I wonder if my life is behind everyone elses...ya know, we won't be having kids for a while, buying a house is at least 7 years away, and I still have a longing for graduate school. A lot of my friends seem to be moving way faster than me.
But ya know what, our life isn't like everyone elses. We are called to different things. A tough calling, but its ours. I think in the end, even though it is difficult, the growth it will bring will be awesome....I also think Noah and I will have a deeper relationship than maybe some other people would have, because of the mountains and valleys we endured.
On that note, even though it is so hard sometimes because we dont have a lot of community and friends, a mentor of mine the other day told me she though that this time we have together is super special, and that we should feel super blessed that we are in a situation where we can just pour into eachother because we don't have a lot of family & friend commitments. She thought that maybe God has a busy season ahead for us, and he is blessing us with this time now because he knows time may be harder to find in the future. It was such a good 'perspective' moment for me. I need to be content with where God has us, even though it may not look like what I wanted or dreamed it would look like. Because its even better than I could imagine because God sees so much more of the picture than I do.
I have to admit though, its tough to be here in a sense. I have so many people in Auckland who know me, love me, have a history and root system with me....we are connected by memories and experiences that span my childhood. My dad is a pastor so I have a whole church body I am close to. My life was filled with people coming into our home, as my parents are hugely gifted in hospitality. I am used to a life with a thriving community. I don't have that in Minnesota. I don't even know what that looks like for me as wife, and for us as a married couple, because we just haven't been connected into that type of fellowship. Being back makes me want it so bad. I just want to pack up and move here as soon as we can next year. But then would that be right? we shouldnt move just for people right? but God designed us for community? Do we suck it up a little more and be in Australia for grad school? do we come back to NZ instead? decisions, decisions. more like praying for leading. praying for leading.
I know it is in our future though. We feel the call back to New Zealand. Maybe thats why God wants us to enjoy our time together now, because he knows how full our life will be in NZ. Maybe, just maybe.
sorry for the ramble...going to bed now....zzz
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