Noah and I had a tough week last week. One of my major faults is that I get WAAAAAAY too emotional about things. And when I am stressed out/burnt out, I can be so ridiculous. So I was rotten last week. I threw a tantrum that noah didn't charge his phone and left me waiting for him at school for ages. I got upset about money and paying off {frustrating} loans. I cried about missing New Zealand (ok, that one is allowed). I had a freak out about decision making for next year. We seriously have some major decisions to make. Noah finishes his masters in may and then our life is wide open. The hard thing about being married is that now you have TWO people's lives and careers and school to figure out. I know it seems like, duh - isn't that obvious, but you just kinda forget about it until major decisions have to be made. I'm applying to medical school, and Noah's applying for jobs. we are praying our tails off that we find them in the same place :) Plus we are applying for stuff in Australia and New Zealand, not down the street. And when you apply for stuff overseas there is a TON of paperwork involved. Sigh.
So normally I take it one day at a time. When I don't, I freak out.
So back to the beginning of this post. You know those crazy hard conversations where you are both super emotionally charged and sitting on the edge of your seat because you are trying so hard to communicate but its just not reaching the other person in the same language??!!? gah, we had several of those. So several hours later of tears, anger, frustration we worked it out. We forgave eachother for the harsh words. And cuddled. And bought frozen custard with snickers and m&ms and went "phew!". Its crazy how easy it is to miscommunicate. It pretty much boiled down to me being frustrated that noah couldn't be responsible enough to charge his phone, and noah wishing I was more patient. Well, we aren't perfect but we can forgive. I'm so glad I married someone who will sit down with me and work through the hard stuff. Even when its soooooooooooo emotionally draining and hard. We had these a lot more our first year when life was AWFUL in Minnesota and we haven't had one in months. So we were a little out of practice.
To be honest, so many of our arguments come out of me acting with my emotions instead of just saying, "hey babe, what you said/did hurt me and I would like to talk about that." why is that sentence so hard to say in the moment? Lord please help me to work on that one.
I also struggle because I HAVE to tell Noah how I feel. I'm not one of those woman who can just say, 'oh well, I'll let my husband do/say that". I find that inauthentic. We are two people, and we want to be known by eachother. In the good and the bad. If you can't be honest about something, how will you truly know eachother?
Anywho, I love after a hard conversation when we get into bed, look at eachother and laugh. I love that I can be real with my husband. I love that we are equals. I love that I came home and he made dinner. And lit the candles in the house to make it smell better. I love that we support eachother to grow more and push ourselves. We are better together, because we say the hard stuff. But we know we are loved unconditionally. He has seen me at my worse, and yet still loves me. What a beautiful picture of Gods love. And how much more does God love me than Noah does? Marriage is precious that way. You just have to form the deep grooves early on, so that when the carriage starts to shake from the storms that life brings, it is stable in the grooves.
Those deep foundations are hard. and painful. but bring life in the end.
