Reposted from my favorite blog, Mothers In Medicine. http://www.mothersinmedicine.com/
Can Women Have It All? Depends On How You Define All.
I just finished the just profoundly awesome article Why Women Still Can't Have It All by Anne-Marie Slaughter, in this month's Atlantic. This is the article that has all the buzz going about professional women and work/life balance.
It has taken me a full week to finish this article, reading in bits and snatches before work, between patients and after work. I finally got through all 6 pages. Totally worth it. She says what I have been feeling and trying to voice to the women coming up the ranks of training in medicine.
Though I disagree with one fundamental point. She feels that most women can't Have It All, and by All seems she means breaking into the higher echelons of their professions, making the highest possible achievements. I agree with her on this.
My feeling is that All can mean something else. All, to me, means achieving total personal and professional fulfillment. And this does not have to mean being the CEO/ Secretary of State/ Department Chair/ Nobel Prizewinner.
When I am asked advice by pre-meds or medical students considering a career path, I hedge my response based on their answer to my questions-- "Do you have or want to have a family? And do you want to spend time with them?"
There are few professions that require as much schooling as medicine. It took a long time for women to get into those schools, to break into the profession. Women now comprise 50% or more of the students entering medical schools. However, we still don't see many women in positions of power in medicine or in certain subspecialties. While women in medicine has been a long time coming, women in power positions in medicine, and women in certain subspecialties, may be a long time coming yet. The basic reason? The paths to those positions mean too great a sacrifice at the expense of a family.
I wish I could say to any of these incredibly bright, hardworking, determined women that "Hey, with enough brains and hard work and determination you go anywhere in medicine!" But that's bull, and Anne-Marie Slaughter says so in the pages of the Atlantic.
But they can have it All.
If All means achieving personal and professional fulfillment, of finding that elusive work/ home balance, then I'd say, it's entirely possible, but think it through very carefully. Look to the future- Look to the women who are working and practicing doing what you want to do. What kinds of positions are available? Is anyone working part-time? Are family values promoted and respected? Would you be expected to be at work and working endless hours? Is there a lot of call? Would you need to go into the hospital unexpectedly? Etc etc.
If women have or envision having a family someday, I ask them to think really hard about the kind of life they imagine. What kind of a partner do they or will they have-- is this someone who can stay home when the baby is sick/ it's a snow day/ there's an unexpected holiday/ they are sick? What kind of partner and mother do they want to be-- do they want to be present, participating, reassuring, enjoying family dinner, tucking in? If so, can that vision fit with the lifestyle of the specialty they're considering?
When I was interviewing for jobs four years ago, I had just come out of a research fellowship, and I knew that life wasn't for me. Very competitive, getting those grants. I also saw women MDs who aspired to be Heads of Something, or Experts in Something Else, and I knew I didn't want to do that either. I knew I wanted to focus on family as my priority, and to work part-time at a clinical practice with a good "vibe": supportive, flexible, mom- friendly.
I had to really search. I hired a professional job headhunter guy. He kept sending me listings. Some places wanted me to work 10 clinical sessions a week! Others had 1 week of call a month. Ugh.
Now, I'm a part-time internist, with two little kids. I was lucky to have found work in a small, progressive practice, 5 sessions a week, with 1 week of call every 3 months. The vibe? Well, just this morning, I met with my practice head and explained our situation:
Our two-year-old isn't talking. He's been diagnosed with severe delays in receptive and expressive communication, as well as some cognitive delay. He's eligible for all kinds of services. We'll be taking him to speech therapy and group therapy at least... and before that, he needs hearing testing, a developmental eval, etc. We'd also like to get him into some other activities to help him start communicating. This will all take some time, and time involves rearranging my work schedule. Like, dropping my Friday afternoon clinic.
My boss was great. There was no issue here. The support was 100% there.
All, to me, is where I am. Yes, I had to search this place out. Yes, there is tweaking here and there. I'll be glad for a promotion and a raise when it comes. I'll be glad for some adjustments to my schedule; a decrease in clinical time and an increase in admin time. Work sometimes edges into home, and home into work; I think that is natural and inevitable. But I consider all of that to be fine-tuning of an otherwise really excellent arrangement.
Can All be as easily achieved in all the areas of medicine? I don't think so, not yet. So my advice to those making their way up the ranks is to think about what will bring you personal and professional fulfillment, and to work towards a healthy work/ home life balance.
It may be that practice arrangements like mine in medicine are few and far between, but I see them popping up here and there in primary care. Where they are not, then shift work, as in Emergency or Hospitalist work, may be far more inviting to the aspiring physician-mother.
But maybe someone is driven to be the Head of a Department or the Expert in Something, and they feel they will not be happy or fulfilled until they have made the achievement; AND they want to have a family.... In that case, I think the choice of a partner, living close to extended family, and a very organized schedule could help... Personally, I don't believe that these external professional achievements give one true life satisfaction. I think many of us start off thinking they do, and hope they do, but then realize, they don't. Family does.
My way of seeing this: I was trained to do a hard job that I loved. I also wanted to have a strong, healthy family. So for me, I chose carefully. Now, I am doing the job I trained to do and that I love, I do it well, in a great hospital and positive environment. I also spend alot of quality time with my two little kids and my husband and my extended family. "Alot" to me is what I need. I get the time I need with my family.
So I feel very lucky. I have it All. I think we all can, even in medicine, but it takes looking to the future, thinking hard, being honest, and choosing carefully.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Friday, August 3, 2012
A sad day for the Church
Could say so much, as I feel so embarrassed as a christian about the whole Chick-Fil-A political/social/religious whatever you call it. However, this article says a lot about how I feel about it. Again, the church fails to love, and runs people over with a cause.
5 Reasons Why the Church Failed Yesterday
Posted by MATTHEW PAUL TURNER on Thursday, August 2, 2012 · 1,221 Comments
Thousands and thousands and thousands of people proudly lined up to support Mike Huckabee’s “Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day” yesterday. By all accounts, it was a successful campaign, perhaps one of Huckabee’s most memorable actions, a deed that might warrant etching “#ChickFilA” on his tombstone so future Americans will learn of the greatness that occurred on August 1, 2012.
Many of yesterday’s appreciators were born again Christians, people who, I can only assume, claim to love God, put their trust in Jesus, and have a desire that all people hear and experience the Good News of Christ. That fact alone changes the headline of what happened yesterday.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure Chick-Fil-A owners felt loved, made lots of money, and greatly appreciated the somewhat positive press they received all day long. And yes, Mike Huckabee has reason to be proud (dare I say, even cocksure?) of the influence he wields to get Americans to buy chicken. Those CFA cows no doubt love Mike Huckabee!
So good for Chick-Fil-A! And three cheers for Mike Huckabee! And good tidings of great joy to cows everywhere.
Yet, amid all of that CFA-appreciating success, the Church (at least, the part that exists here in America) failed miserably. Every member of the Church isn’t to blame, of course. Many individual churches and denominations played no role whatsoever in promoting yesterday’s Great Chicken Awakening. Some Christians, churches, and denominations even tried to throw a social media wrench into the festivities. Some of those attempts went viral and garnered a great deal of attention. But still, chicken-loving Christians everywhere rallied behind CFA yesterday. The crowds were so big that you might have thought that Chick-Fil-A was giving away free iPads or Cabbage Patch Dolls or freshly fallen manna from Heaven. And while lots of Christians chose not to participate for various reasons, many did and the Church as a whole suffered.
Here’s why.
ONE
Yesterday’s campaign, while I don’t think it should be considered or called “hate,” neither can it be called love. Christians all over America ignored the second greatest commandment: to love our neighbors. Call yesterday what you want, freedom of speech, a rally behind “family values,” a sincere fascination with CFA’s brand of fried poultry… but it cannot be called love. It was not love.
TWO
People felt hate and we ignored that. At the end of the day, regardless of whether or not your Christian understanding of scripture harbors hate or not, a large group of people felt hated. Again, we can debate this point all day long, but that does not change the fact that people felt hatred because of what happened yesterday. Whether or not hate actually existed is not the point, people felt hated. And rather than acknowledging those feelings or trying to understand or engage them in any way, Christians everywhere marched off to their local CFA like it was a cross to bear, a necessity, a battle cry of some sort, the waffle fry’s last stand.
THREE
By rallying behind CFA, Christians put an issue above people. And it’s impossible to follow Jesus when issues trump people. Jesus never said “love God, love causes.” That is not the message that gets preached in churches all over America on Sunday mornings. I’ve heard a hundred different explanations from patrons of yesterday’s rally and nearly every one of them gives precedence to “the cause”. We can’t embrace love, mercy, hope, and peace when our causes (or a place of business) trumps people.
FOUR
Once again, the mass actions of Christians built another wall of distrust between the Church and the GLBTQ communities. Nobody was surprised that the CEO of CFA is against gay marriage. Nobody was surprised that Mike Huckabee made the decision to rally support behind CFA. And nobody was surprised that Christians took Huckabee’s words as marching orders, leading the charge with more passion, delight, and Instagram pictures than what we express for so many more important issues facing this country. If Mike Huckabee had declared yesterday “Homeless Appreciation Day,” would the response have been even half as large and loud? Yes, I know; that’s an unfair question. But we’re Christians, so we’re very familiar with the use of unfair questions to make a point.
Once in a while, our culture needs to be surprised by how much we love people–all people. Once in a while, our culture needs to be overwhelmed with joy that we are involved in the greater story. Once in a while, our culture needs to see us being a part of the solution and not the problem. But yesterday? There were no surprises. And no surprises only builds more distrust, not peace, not grace, not hope, and not love.
FIVE
Yesterday’s hoopla surrounding CFA did nothing to prove that Christians don’t hate gay people. Oh I know that most Christians will say, “I don’t hate gay people!!”
But did supporting CFA Appreciation Day prove that?
Trust me, I understand that most people who ate chicken sandwiches at CFA yesterday did not do that as an act of hate. I get that. And that’s cool and all, but did the act of going out of your way to CFA prove that to be true? Do you think that the GLBTQ communities believe you? Would you, if you were gay, believe you?
Now before you answer that, remember that yesterday’s CFA Love Day was just one action in a long line of many. Because let’s face it: Christians go WAY out of their way to “hate the sin”–i.e., by voting against gay marriage, voting against civil unions, voicing their angst about gay people adopting children (just to list a few). Is it possible that Christians lose the ability to truly “love the sinner” because they’re so busy “hating the sin”? Do Christians put anywhere near the energy into “loving the sinner” as they do “hating the sin”?
All I know is that the GLBTQ communities are becoming quite used to feeling unloved by Christians. And with good reason.
How many times do we hear Christians say something like, “I don’t hate gay people. I may not agree with their lifestyle. But I don’t hate them… “
If you were gay, would you believe that? Think about it. Would you feel loved by somebody if they included rules, context, and/or explanations about your lifestyle every time they spoke about how much they don’t hate you? Only when talking about gay people do Christians feel the need to preface their “love” or “non-hate” with some variation of “I don’t agree with your lifestyle, but…” Christians don’t talk about any other group of people like that–only gay people.
So, I want to believe Christians when they say “I don’t hate gay people.” But sometimes proof of that is necessary. And yesterday did not prove that. Honestly, yesterday proved little more than how shallow Christians can be sometimes.
Not only did supporting CFA Appreciation Day declare that Christians believe that an issue is more important than people, that declaration was made by the mass consumption of junk food. That fact doesn’t need a punch line. It is a punch line.
Yes, on some level, yesterday was successful. I’m sure that today CFA feels really loved. And I’m sure Mike Huckabee feels loved, too. And I’m sure lots of people, many Christians included, feel great pride for supporting the cause. But there’s also a large group of people, good people, people you might disagree with, that today, feel really unloved.
If it’s true that Christians don’t hate gay people, today would be a really good day to prove it.
5 Reasons Why the Church Failed Yesterday
Posted by MATTHEW PAUL TURNER on Thursday, August 2, 2012 · 1,221 Comments
Thousands and thousands and thousands of people proudly lined up to support Mike Huckabee’s “Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day” yesterday. By all accounts, it was a successful campaign, perhaps one of Huckabee’s most memorable actions, a deed that might warrant etching “#ChickFilA” on his tombstone so future Americans will learn of the greatness that occurred on August 1, 2012.
Many of yesterday’s appreciators were born again Christians, people who, I can only assume, claim to love God, put their trust in Jesus, and have a desire that all people hear and experience the Good News of Christ. That fact alone changes the headline of what happened yesterday.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure Chick-Fil-A owners felt loved, made lots of money, and greatly appreciated the somewhat positive press they received all day long. And yes, Mike Huckabee has reason to be proud (dare I say, even cocksure?) of the influence he wields to get Americans to buy chicken. Those CFA cows no doubt love Mike Huckabee!
So good for Chick-Fil-A! And three cheers for Mike Huckabee! And good tidings of great joy to cows everywhere.
Yet, amid all of that CFA-appreciating success, the Church (at least, the part that exists here in America) failed miserably. Every member of the Church isn’t to blame, of course. Many individual churches and denominations played no role whatsoever in promoting yesterday’s Great Chicken Awakening. Some Christians, churches, and denominations even tried to throw a social media wrench into the festivities. Some of those attempts went viral and garnered a great deal of attention. But still, chicken-loving Christians everywhere rallied behind CFA yesterday. The crowds were so big that you might have thought that Chick-Fil-A was giving away free iPads or Cabbage Patch Dolls or freshly fallen manna from Heaven. And while lots of Christians chose not to participate for various reasons, many did and the Church as a whole suffered.
Here’s why.
ONE
Yesterday’s campaign, while I don’t think it should be considered or called “hate,” neither can it be called love. Christians all over America ignored the second greatest commandment: to love our neighbors. Call yesterday what you want, freedom of speech, a rally behind “family values,” a sincere fascination with CFA’s brand of fried poultry… but it cannot be called love. It was not love.
TWO
People felt hate and we ignored that. At the end of the day, regardless of whether or not your Christian understanding of scripture harbors hate or not, a large group of people felt hated. Again, we can debate this point all day long, but that does not change the fact that people felt hatred because of what happened yesterday. Whether or not hate actually existed is not the point, people felt hated. And rather than acknowledging those feelings or trying to understand or engage them in any way, Christians everywhere marched off to their local CFA like it was a cross to bear, a necessity, a battle cry of some sort, the waffle fry’s last stand.
THREE
By rallying behind CFA, Christians put an issue above people. And it’s impossible to follow Jesus when issues trump people. Jesus never said “love God, love causes.” That is not the message that gets preached in churches all over America on Sunday mornings. I’ve heard a hundred different explanations from patrons of yesterday’s rally and nearly every one of them gives precedence to “the cause”. We can’t embrace love, mercy, hope, and peace when our causes (or a place of business) trumps people.
FOUR
Once again, the mass actions of Christians built another wall of distrust between the Church and the GLBTQ communities. Nobody was surprised that the CEO of CFA is against gay marriage. Nobody was surprised that Mike Huckabee made the decision to rally support behind CFA. And nobody was surprised that Christians took Huckabee’s words as marching orders, leading the charge with more passion, delight, and Instagram pictures than what we express for so many more important issues facing this country. If Mike Huckabee had declared yesterday “Homeless Appreciation Day,” would the response have been even half as large and loud? Yes, I know; that’s an unfair question. But we’re Christians, so we’re very familiar with the use of unfair questions to make a point.
Once in a while, our culture needs to be surprised by how much we love people–all people. Once in a while, our culture needs to be overwhelmed with joy that we are involved in the greater story. Once in a while, our culture needs to see us being a part of the solution and not the problem. But yesterday? There were no surprises. And no surprises only builds more distrust, not peace, not grace, not hope, and not love.
FIVE
Yesterday’s hoopla surrounding CFA did nothing to prove that Christians don’t hate gay people. Oh I know that most Christians will say, “I don’t hate gay people!!”
But did supporting CFA Appreciation Day prove that?
Trust me, I understand that most people who ate chicken sandwiches at CFA yesterday did not do that as an act of hate. I get that. And that’s cool and all, but did the act of going out of your way to CFA prove that to be true? Do you think that the GLBTQ communities believe you? Would you, if you were gay, believe you?
Now before you answer that, remember that yesterday’s CFA Love Day was just one action in a long line of many. Because let’s face it: Christians go WAY out of their way to “hate the sin”–i.e., by voting against gay marriage, voting against civil unions, voicing their angst about gay people adopting children (just to list a few). Is it possible that Christians lose the ability to truly “love the sinner” because they’re so busy “hating the sin”? Do Christians put anywhere near the energy into “loving the sinner” as they do “hating the sin”?
All I know is that the GLBTQ communities are becoming quite used to feeling unloved by Christians. And with good reason.
How many times do we hear Christians say something like, “I don’t hate gay people. I may not agree with their lifestyle. But I don’t hate them… “
If you were gay, would you believe that? Think about it. Would you feel loved by somebody if they included rules, context, and/or explanations about your lifestyle every time they spoke about how much they don’t hate you? Only when talking about gay people do Christians feel the need to preface their “love” or “non-hate” with some variation of “I don’t agree with your lifestyle, but…” Christians don’t talk about any other group of people like that–only gay people.
So, I want to believe Christians when they say “I don’t hate gay people.” But sometimes proof of that is necessary. And yesterday did not prove that. Honestly, yesterday proved little more than how shallow Christians can be sometimes.
Not only did supporting CFA Appreciation Day declare that Christians believe that an issue is more important than people, that declaration was made by the mass consumption of junk food. That fact doesn’t need a punch line. It is a punch line.
Yes, on some level, yesterday was successful. I’m sure that today CFA feels really loved. And I’m sure Mike Huckabee feels loved, too. And I’m sure lots of people, many Christians included, feel great pride for supporting the cause. But there’s also a large group of people, good people, people you might disagree with, that today, feel really unloved.
If it’s true that Christians don’t hate gay people, today would be a really good day to prove it.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Seasons of Change
I sometimes feel like I am always making these huge life decisions. Like change follows my shadow. I can look back and savor those few months here and there when life was just...stable. There were no big decisions to be made, I was just living in the season.
Five years ago I decided to move to the U.S. Then I decided to stay and do nursing school. Then I met Noah and we decided to get engaged. Then decided to get married in New Zealand. Before we got married Noah decided to apply to graduate school. That led us to Minnesota.
For about a year life was simple. Noah was in graduate school. I was working as a nurse and finishing my bachelors. Life had purpose and direction. There was no worry about the future because we just knew we have to be here and get 'er done.
Sigh. That was then.
In May Noah graduated - which meant that our season, and reason for being in Minnesota, had ended. And thus our season of transition, again, has arrived.
We are in a flurry of change related activity. Pending the outcome of a graduate school application I have in New Zealand, we are preparing to move back home. Noah is applying for NZ residency, I am applying for a NZ nursing license and Noah is looking for work. We are doing research about moving companies, looking into living situations and planning our travel. Its intense! and soooo much paperwork!
Its also really expensive. NZ nursing license: $500. Residency application: $1200. Medical exam: $300. FBI clearance cards $60. IELTS exam for nursing: $185. Plus passport photos, notorized documents, courier fees and FLIGHTs! arrg, I could think of so many fun vacations we could have gone on right now.
Its also hard because we are feeling like right now we are preparing for this huge change, but we don't even know if its going to happen. If I don't get accepted into the grad programme, we probably won't move right away.
We want to stay, save money and travel. But we certainly don't want to stay in the Midwest (no THANKS!).
Which means a cross country move (because we love the Northwest!) and new jobs.
We are so ready for change, but powerless to really do anything about it right now.
I feel like I am in this wierd transition period where nothing is happening but we know something will, so we have to prepare for it, but we can't really.
Confusing right?!?!
I am learning a lot about myself and about being content in all seasons, even this one. I also am being forced to let go of things that I cannot control and trust that God will take care of us no matter what.
I think that's always going to be a season that I am in.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
{Projects}
I wanted to show you some of my fun summer projects.
The first is me re-painting a set of drawers I picked up at a garage sale a few months ago. It was an icky mustard yellow color with bulky brass handles. I followed the Young House Love tutorial here : http://www.younghouselove.com/2009/02/how-to-paint-furniture/
I chose low VOC paint (worth the extra few dollars to save you from breathing in harsh chemicals forever) in Antique Grey. I also primed with low VOC primer.
I found cute glass handles at Home Depot and they look perfect!
Really wanted a set at Anthropologie but seeing that those handles alone would have been triple what I paid for the whole dang drawer set, I decided against it.
Before:
After:
{PROJECT NUMERO DOS}
After picking the first harvast of summer strawberries at our favorite orchard, I also attempted my first batch of home-made jam.
Per my Grandma's advice, I followed the directions on the SureGel box. She has always had the freshest, yummiest jam and I wanted to relive my childhood memories.
Pretty much this is how it goes:
1) have fun buying super cute 8oz mason jars with lids
2) Sterilize said jars and lids in boiling water, wash with soap before.
3) Mash up strawberries (2 cups for my recipe)
4) Mix a (ridiculous amount) of sugar in with the strawberries
5) Heat pectin with water
6) Mix pectin with strawberry mix
7) Boil mixture for two minutes, never stop stirring!
8) Pour into sterilized (and still hot!) jars
9) seal jars quickly, leave out at room temp for 24 hours
10) Freeze for up to 1 year, refrigerate for three weeks (thaw out in the fridge!)
It turned out just as expected, and husband is overjoyed. The nurse in me is slightly petrified about getting ecoli/listeria/salmonella poisoning knowing that can still incubate in the freezer and then grow when thawed....but I am just not going to think about that right now! (or ever....)
The first is me re-painting a set of drawers I picked up at a garage sale a few months ago. It was an icky mustard yellow color with bulky brass handles. I followed the Young House Love tutorial here : http://www.younghouselove.com/2009/02/how-to-paint-furniture/
I chose low VOC paint (worth the extra few dollars to save you from breathing in harsh chemicals forever) in Antique Grey. I also primed with low VOC primer.
I found cute glass handles at Home Depot and they look perfect!
Really wanted a set at Anthropologie but seeing that those handles alone would have been triple what I paid for the whole dang drawer set, I decided against it.
Before:
After:
{PROJECT NUMERO DOS}
After picking the first harvast of summer strawberries at our favorite orchard, I also attempted my first batch of home-made jam.
Per my Grandma's advice, I followed the directions on the SureGel box. She has always had the freshest, yummiest jam and I wanted to relive my childhood memories.
Pretty much this is how it goes:
1) have fun buying super cute 8oz mason jars with lids
2) Sterilize said jars and lids in boiling water, wash with soap before.
3) Mash up strawberries (2 cups for my recipe)
4) Mix a (ridiculous amount) of sugar in with the strawberries
5) Heat pectin with water
6) Mix pectin with strawberry mix
7) Boil mixture for two minutes, never stop stirring!
8) Pour into sterilized (and still hot!) jars
9) seal jars quickly, leave out at room temp for 24 hours
10) Freeze for up to 1 year, refrigerate for three weeks (thaw out in the fridge!)
It turned out just as expected, and husband is overjoyed. The nurse in me is slightly petrified about getting ecoli/listeria/salmonella poisoning knowing that can still incubate in the freezer and then grow when thawed....but I am just not going to think about that right now! (or ever....)
Summer is here!
So summer is here! and it has brought with it many wonderful memories so far. Our second year anniversary, and my first attempt at home-made jam for one (or two?)!
Hubs has been busy plugging away completing his thesis and he is finally done. His defense is in two weeks.
I have been working full time, soaking up the summer sun as much as possible, and things keep coming along with medical school dreams....
For our two year anniversary we had coffee in the morning, a walk in the flower gardens, and then lunch at a fancy schmancy steak house. It was a blast. I love Noah more than I did the day we married, but in a different way than I did the day we said "I do". We have made it through the fire and class V rapids, and his dedication, commitment and love for me gives me butterflies deep down in my soul. We just feel like an old married couple now, and I love that feeling of contentment and routine. He's my partner and we will forever be side by side. Hopping into bed at night with him still makes me feel excited. I just love that.
on one of our car trips we were listening to the radio and this awesome song came on. Hubs and I started singing it together, and it was like reading our vows all over again!
{I won't give up: Jason Mraz)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1-4u9W-bns
When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.
Hubs has been busy plugging away completing his thesis and he is finally done. His defense is in two weeks.
I have been working full time, soaking up the summer sun as much as possible, and things keep coming along with medical school dreams....
For our two year anniversary we had coffee in the morning, a walk in the flower gardens, and then lunch at a fancy schmancy steak house. It was a blast. I love Noah more than I did the day we married, but in a different way than I did the day we said "I do". We have made it through the fire and class V rapids, and his dedication, commitment and love for me gives me butterflies deep down in my soul. We just feel like an old married couple now, and I love that feeling of contentment and routine. He's my partner and we will forever be side by side. Hopping into bed at night with him still makes me feel excited. I just love that.
on one of our car trips we were listening to the radio and this awesome song came on. Hubs and I started singing it together, and it was like reading our vows all over again!
{I won't give up: Jason Mraz)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1-4u9W-bns
When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Time together
Something I have learned being married for nearly two years now is that it's really important to do fun things together. (Yes I know all the books say that!).
However I think every person has a different definition of fun. I love to read, shop, watch BBC movies, cook a gourmet dinner, have people over, decorate my house, make hand-made cards, go out for coffee and try new restaurants. I love little cute towns with cobblestone streets and antique stores.
My husband is less particular. He really loves one-on-one time, whatever that may look like. But there is one thing that he truly loves to do - birding. His dad is a naturalist and he grew up going into the woods and looking at birds and plants. Before we got married I thought it was cute. We would go out together and I would sit in the sun while he went and looked at birds. But early into our marriage I wanted to do other things. I needed the down time and wanted to read so my hubs would go out on his own. That was a big deal for us because we pretty much do everything together. everything.
After a few months I realized I was missing an opportunity to serve and love my husband by not engaging in something he loved to do. I thought of all the times he spent hours shopping with me or taking me out for coffee (which he doesn't even drink) and I was struck by how selfish I was being! And seriously, its not like he was asking me to join an online gaming club with him - his hobby involved being outside enjoying nature and getting away from the hustle and bustle of life.
So I started joining in. Now, I wake up with him at 6am on saturday mornings and we go out on an early morning hike to see the birds. He treats me with my favorite coffee, and I hold his hands while we wander in the woods for hours in the morning.
And you know what? I am learning to love it too. Check out this super awesome owl family we discovered last week:
Has there been anything in your life/marriage that you have learned to love and do for someone? I hope you found it a blessing in your relationship too!
However I think every person has a different definition of fun. I love to read, shop, watch BBC movies, cook a gourmet dinner, have people over, decorate my house, make hand-made cards, go out for coffee and try new restaurants. I love little cute towns with cobblestone streets and antique stores.
My husband is less particular. He really loves one-on-one time, whatever that may look like. But there is one thing that he truly loves to do - birding. His dad is a naturalist and he grew up going into the woods and looking at birds and plants. Before we got married I thought it was cute. We would go out together and I would sit in the sun while he went and looked at birds. But early into our marriage I wanted to do other things. I needed the down time and wanted to read so my hubs would go out on his own. That was a big deal for us because we pretty much do everything together. everything.
After a few months I realized I was missing an opportunity to serve and love my husband by not engaging in something he loved to do. I thought of all the times he spent hours shopping with me or taking me out for coffee (which he doesn't even drink) and I was struck by how selfish I was being! And seriously, its not like he was asking me to join an online gaming club with him - his hobby involved being outside enjoying nature and getting away from the hustle and bustle of life.
So I started joining in. Now, I wake up with him at 6am on saturday mornings and we go out on an early morning hike to see the birds. He treats me with my favorite coffee, and I hold his hands while we wander in the woods for hours in the morning.
And you know what? I am learning to love it too. Check out this super awesome owl family we discovered last week:
Has there been anything in your life/marriage that you have learned to love and do for someone? I hope you found it a blessing in your relationship too!
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Lessons
My husband is a graduate :)
Two weeks ago on friday April 27th he walked up on that stage and graduated with a Master in Science in Civil Engineering!
Phew, I feel like I graduated with a Masters too after all those hours sitting with him in the lab, being his audience while he practiced his presentations and proof reading papers.
I am so, so proud.
Here we are!
While I watched from the audience as we listened to speakers and sang the national anthem I experienced a feeling I was not expecting - sadness.
Sad that this season was ending. Sad that our time in Minnesota would be coming to a close. Sad that I wouldn't be sitting on campus in the giant biomedical library, waiting for hubs to get done.
If you had told me two years ago that I would have felt this way, I honestly would have laughed in your face. Two years ago I was thinking, "how am I going to survive? two years is such a long time. I can't believe I am stuck in this freezing cold state, with the worst job in the world, thousands of miles away from family and nobody wants to be our friends."
We spent thanksgiving and Christmas alone our first year, despite the fact that many people in our church knew we had no family in the area. I was mad and disappointed at the people of Minnesota. "New Zealanders would never treat people like this, I cant believe the church here is so blind to people in need."
And yet here I was, sad about closing this chapter.
Because folks, I have grown and changed. We still don't have many friends, and we still spend holidays alone, but I am stronger. I have held tight to my husband and my God these two years, content in their arms. Having two precious years where my husband and I could spend all of our time together free from heaps of family obligations and social functions has been a blessing. We are a tightly knitted cord and I know we can survive anything.
We have experienced hardship and tears that many of my friends who live in a tight community would never experience. In some ways I feel it has prepared me for a life in missions and humanitarian aid.
I don't know what is ahead of us and where we will be living in a year from now, but my time here has shown me that I have nothing to fear and God truly does bring good things from the hardest of times.
And my mum was right, It really does take two years for any new place to feel like home :)
Two weeks ago on friday April 27th he walked up on that stage and graduated with a Master in Science in Civil Engineering!
Phew, I feel like I graduated with a Masters too after all those hours sitting with him in the lab, being his audience while he practiced his presentations and proof reading papers.
I am so, so proud.
Here we are!
While I watched from the audience as we listened to speakers and sang the national anthem I experienced a feeling I was not expecting - sadness.
Sad that this season was ending. Sad that our time in Minnesota would be coming to a close. Sad that I wouldn't be sitting on campus in the giant biomedical library, waiting for hubs to get done.
If you had told me two years ago that I would have felt this way, I honestly would have laughed in your face. Two years ago I was thinking, "how am I going to survive? two years is such a long time. I can't believe I am stuck in this freezing cold state, with the worst job in the world, thousands of miles away from family and nobody wants to be our friends."
We spent thanksgiving and Christmas alone our first year, despite the fact that many people in our church knew we had no family in the area. I was mad and disappointed at the people of Minnesota. "New Zealanders would never treat people like this, I cant believe the church here is so blind to people in need."
And yet here I was, sad about closing this chapter.
Because folks, I have grown and changed. We still don't have many friends, and we still spend holidays alone, but I am stronger. I have held tight to my husband and my God these two years, content in their arms. Having two precious years where my husband and I could spend all of our time together free from heaps of family obligations and social functions has been a blessing. We are a tightly knitted cord and I know we can survive anything.
We have experienced hardship and tears that many of my friends who live in a tight community would never experience. In some ways I feel it has prepared me for a life in missions and humanitarian aid.
I don't know what is ahead of us and where we will be living in a year from now, but my time here has shown me that I have nothing to fear and God truly does bring good things from the hardest of times.
And my mum was right, It really does take two years for any new place to feel like home :)
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