Seasons of Change

I sometimes feel like I am always making these huge life decisions. Like change follows my shadow. I can look back and savor those few months here and there when life was just...stable. There were no big decisions to be made, I was just living in the season.

Five years ago I decided to move to the U.S. Then I decided to stay and do nursing school. Then I met Noah and we decided to get engaged. Then decided to get married in New Zealand. Before we got married Noah decided to apply to graduate school. That led us to Minnesota.

For about a year life was simple. Noah was in graduate school. I was working as a nurse and finishing my bachelors. Life had purpose and direction. There was no worry about the future because we just knew we have to be here and get 'er done.
Sigh. That was then.

In May Noah graduated - which meant that our season, and reason for being in Minnesota, had ended. And thus our season of transition, again, has arrived.

We are in a flurry of change related activity. Pending the outcome of a graduate school application I have in New Zealand, we are preparing to move back home. Noah is applying for NZ residency, I am applying for a NZ nursing license and Noah is looking for work. We are doing research about moving companies, looking into living situations and planning our travel. Its intense! and soooo much paperwork!

Its also really expensive. NZ nursing license: $500. Residency application: $1200. Medical exam: $300. FBI clearance cards $60. IELTS exam for nursing: $185. Plus passport photos, notorized documents, courier fees and FLIGHTs! arrg, I could think of so many fun vacations we could have gone on right now.

Its also hard because we are feeling like right now we are preparing for this huge change, but we don't even know if its going to happen. If I don't get accepted into the grad programme, we probably won't move right away.
We want to stay, save money and travel. But we certainly don't want to stay in the Midwest (no THANKS!).
Which means a cross country move (because we love the Northwest!) and new jobs.

We are so ready for change, but powerless to really do anything about it right now.
I feel like I am in this wierd transition period where nothing is happening but we know something will, so we have to prepare for it, but we can't really.
Confusing right?!?!

I am learning a lot about myself and about being content in all seasons, even this one. I also am being forced to let go of things that I cannot control and trust that God will take care of us no matter what.

I think that's always going to be a season that I am in.

{Projects}

I wanted to show you some of my fun summer projects.

The first is me re-painting a set of drawers I picked up at a garage sale a few months ago. It was an icky mustard yellow color with bulky brass handles. I followed the Young House Love tutorial here : http://www.younghouselove.com/2009/02/how-to-paint-furniture/

I chose low VOC paint (worth the extra few dollars to save you from breathing in harsh chemicals forever) in Antique Grey. I also primed with low VOC primer.
I found cute glass handles at Home Depot and they look perfect!

Really wanted a set at Anthropologie but seeing that those handles alone would have been triple what I paid for the whole dang drawer set, I decided against it.

Before:



After:





{PROJECT NUMERO DOS}

After picking the first harvast of summer strawberries at our favorite orchard, I also attempted my first batch of home-made jam.
Per my Grandma's advice, I followed the directions on the SureGel box. She has always had the freshest, yummiest jam and I wanted to relive my childhood memories.

Pretty much this is how it goes:
1) have fun buying super cute 8oz mason jars with lids
2) Sterilize said jars and lids in boiling water, wash with soap before.
3) Mash up strawberries (2 cups for my recipe)
4) Mix a (ridiculous amount) of sugar in with the strawberries
5) Heat pectin with water
6) Mix pectin with strawberry mix
7) Boil mixture for two minutes, never stop stirring!
8) Pour into sterilized (and still hot!) jars
9) seal jars quickly, leave out at room temp for 24 hours
10) Freeze for up to 1 year, refrigerate for three weeks (thaw out in the fridge!)

It turned out just as expected, and husband is overjoyed. The nurse in me is slightly petrified about getting ecoli/listeria/salmonella poisoning knowing that can still incubate in the freezer and then grow when thawed....but I am just not going to think about that right now! (or ever....)

Summer is here!

So summer is here! and it has brought with it many wonderful memories so far. Our second year anniversary, and my first attempt at home-made jam for one (or two?)!
Hubs has been busy plugging away completing his thesis and he is finally done. His defense is in two weeks.

I have been working full time, soaking up the summer sun as much as possible, and things keep coming along with medical school dreams....

For our two year anniversary we had coffee in the morning, a walk in the flower gardens, and then lunch at a fancy schmancy steak house. It was a blast. I love Noah more than I did the day we married, but in a different way than I did the day we said "I do". We have made it through the fire and class V rapids, and his dedication, commitment and love for me gives me butterflies deep down in my soul. We just feel like an old married couple now, and I love that feeling of contentment and routine. He's my partner and we will forever be side by side. Hopping into bed at night with him still makes me feel excited. I just love that.

on one of our car trips we were listening to the radio and this awesome song came on. Hubs and I started singing it together, and it was like reading our vows all over again!

{I won't give up: Jason Mraz)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1-4u9W-bns











When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

Time together

Something I have learned being married for nearly two years now is that it's really important to do fun things together. (Yes I know all the books say that!).

However I think every person has a different definition of fun. I love to read, shop, watch BBC movies, cook a gourmet dinner, have people over, decorate my house, make hand-made cards, go out for coffee and try new restaurants. I love little cute towns with cobblestone streets and antique stores.

My husband is less particular. He really loves one-on-one time, whatever that may look like. But there is one thing that he truly loves to do - birding. His dad is a naturalist and he grew up going into the woods and looking at birds and plants. Before we got married I thought it was cute. We would go out together and I would sit in the sun while he went and looked at birds. But early into our marriage I wanted to do other things. I needed the down time and wanted to read so my hubs would go out on his own. That was a big deal for us because we pretty much do everything together. everything.

After a few months I realized I was missing an opportunity to serve and love my husband by not engaging in something he loved to do. I thought of all the times he spent hours shopping with me or taking me out for coffee (which he doesn't even drink) and I was struck by how selfish I was being! And seriously, its not like he was asking me to join an online gaming club with him - his hobby involved being outside enjoying nature and getting away from the hustle and bustle of life.

So I started joining in. Now, I wake up with him at 6am on saturday mornings and we go out on an early morning hike to see the birds. He treats me with my favorite coffee, and I hold his hands while we wander in the woods for hours in the morning.

And you know what? I am learning to love it too. Check out this super awesome owl family we discovered last week:

Has there been anything in your life/marriage that you have learned to love and do for someone? I hope you found it a blessing in your relationship too!

Lessons

My husband is a graduate :)
Two weeks ago on friday April 27th he walked up on that stage and graduated with a Master in Science in Civil Engineering!
Phew, I feel like I graduated with a Masters too after all those hours sitting with him in the lab, being his audience while he practiced his presentations and proof reading papers.
I am so, so proud.
Here we are!

While I watched from the audience as we listened to speakers and sang the national anthem I experienced a feeling I was not expecting - sadness.

Sad that this season was ending. Sad that our time in Minnesota would be coming to a close. Sad that I wouldn't be sitting on campus in the giant biomedical library, waiting for hubs to get done.

If you had told me two years ago that I would have felt this way, I honestly would have laughed in your face. Two years ago I was thinking, "how am I going to survive? two years is such a long time. I can't believe I am stuck in this freezing cold state, with the worst job in the world, thousands of miles away from family and nobody wants to be our friends."
We spent thanksgiving and Christmas alone our first year, despite the fact that many people in our church knew we had no family in the area. I was mad and disappointed at the people of Minnesota. "New Zealanders would never treat people like this, I cant believe the church here is so blind to people in need."

And yet here I was, sad about closing this chapter.

Because folks, I have grown and changed. We still don't have many friends, and we still spend holidays alone, but I am stronger. I have held tight to my husband and my God these two years, content in their arms. Having two precious years where my husband and I could spend all of our time together free from heaps of family obligations and social functions has been a blessing. We are a tightly knitted cord and I know we can survive anything.
We have experienced hardship and tears that many of my friends who live in a tight community would never experience. In some ways I feel it has prepared me for a life in missions and humanitarian aid.

I don't know what is ahead of us and where we will be living in a year from now, but my time here has shown me that I have nothing to fear and God truly does bring good things from the hardest of times.

And my mum was right, It really does take two years for any new place to feel like home :)

Coffee and a Kiss

Noah woke me up this morning by handing me my favorite coffee {a Caribou caramel high rise} and a kiss. He woke up at 630am to run out and get it for me before I woke up. Good man huh?

I'm starting my post with this because I really am just blown away by my spouse. I have had a super tough week and despite my terrible attitude throughout it, he has made sure to love and treasure me.

MY WEEK:

**I found out that I had a positive exposure to a Tuberculosis patient.
Which brought an onslaught of talks with infectious disease specialists, chest xrays, blood draws and, ofcourse, tears.
I had a special blood test that was sent out of state to the Center for Disease Control to find out more. news on that later.

*I found out that my Medical school application could be lost somewhere in the New Zealand mail system.

*I found out that getting licensed as a nurse in New Zealand is going to be near impossible.

*We discovered that with my sisters pending nuptials, we have to find a way to fund 5 round trip tickets to New Zealand in the next seven months. Dear Lord....

*Hubs keeps applying for jobs and there are just no bites yet...

*Somehow I am going to have to get leave to make it down to New Zealand in July for Med School interviews (hopefully) as well as in October for my sisters wedding...thats a little tough when you only have 40 hours of vacation accrued and there is no such thing as 'leave without pay' in the nursing field.



I feel like life was just cruising along on a fun roller coaster and then we suddenly stepped on this crazy ride that drops you up and down unexpectedly (think 'Tower of Terror').


So I'm pretty sure I have been this ridiculous person to live with. So many tears and conversations about worry, over and over again. Somehow God was amazing enough to give me a man who never worries about anything and is always just super optimistic. But umm, this can be annoying sometimes to a die-hard preparer (my term instead of pessimist, since thats what I do..prepare for the worst) :)

I became swallowed up in all of the concerns this week, and it took a sweet gesture on my husbands part to pull me out of it.

The fact is -

I have an incredible partner to get through all of this with.

Worrying won't do me any good, it will just contribute to heart disease.

Taking it one day at a time is all I really can do in the end.

There is a God who is good, and will take good care of me despite it all.

There isn't much that coffee and a kiss can't make better in my world. Thankfully I have a hubby that realized that before I did.

De-brief of test day.

So I did it. I took my huge, scary, freakishly hard test. Its the first step to getting into medical school in Australia. It was hideous, to say the least. I did well in the first two parts, but the science section was awful!! I felt like I guessed the entire three hours. When I came out I thought I would just burst into tears like the past two practice tests. But I was surprisingly calm. I think it was because I have been covered in so much prayer. My parents, friends and Noah all showered me with prayers. I also think I realized that this was not the end of the world. Being a doctor is not everything. Some days it feels like it is, but I know it isn't. When I cried about this to my mum she told me this...

"Honey, life isn't about what you do. It's about who you are. You are loved. You are a wife, daughter, sister and friend. You will love being a mother. These are all so important and are not defined by what you do. Just learn to be. Even if you fail at this, it isn't fatal. None of us will think you are a failure. We are proud that you are even being courageous and taking this darn test despite the outcome. "

Why do mums just always know exactly what to say?
So after the test I took a deep breath, and practiced the spiritual exercise of breathing in the peace, and breathing out the anxiety and fear. All of my mums comforting words came back, and so did the peace of Jesus.

Everything is going to be ok.
Failure is not fatal.
If God wants me to be a doctor, He can work miracles.
He has GOOD plans for me.

I have two months until I find out the results. Two months to let it all go, and learn to really trust God with this. These lessons are so hard sometimes to learn, but so good for our growth!