Time together

Something I have learned being married for nearly two years now is that it's really important to do fun things together. (Yes I know all the books say that!).

However I think every person has a different definition of fun. I love to read, shop, watch BBC movies, cook a gourmet dinner, have people over, decorate my house, make hand-made cards, go out for coffee and try new restaurants. I love little cute towns with cobblestone streets and antique stores.

My husband is less particular. He really loves one-on-one time, whatever that may look like. But there is one thing that he truly loves to do - birding. His dad is a naturalist and he grew up going into the woods and looking at birds and plants. Before we got married I thought it was cute. We would go out together and I would sit in the sun while he went and looked at birds. But early into our marriage I wanted to do other things. I needed the down time and wanted to read so my hubs would go out on his own. That was a big deal for us because we pretty much do everything together. everything.

After a few months I realized I was missing an opportunity to serve and love my husband by not engaging in something he loved to do. I thought of all the times he spent hours shopping with me or taking me out for coffee (which he doesn't even drink) and I was struck by how selfish I was being! And seriously, its not like he was asking me to join an online gaming club with him - his hobby involved being outside enjoying nature and getting away from the hustle and bustle of life.

So I started joining in. Now, I wake up with him at 6am on saturday mornings and we go out on an early morning hike to see the birds. He treats me with my favorite coffee, and I hold his hands while we wander in the woods for hours in the morning.

And you know what? I am learning to love it too. Check out this super awesome owl family we discovered last week:

Has there been anything in your life/marriage that you have learned to love and do for someone? I hope you found it a blessing in your relationship too!

Lessons

My husband is a graduate :)
Two weeks ago on friday April 27th he walked up on that stage and graduated with a Master in Science in Civil Engineering!
Phew, I feel like I graduated with a Masters too after all those hours sitting with him in the lab, being his audience while he practiced his presentations and proof reading papers.
I am so, so proud.
Here we are!

While I watched from the audience as we listened to speakers and sang the national anthem I experienced a feeling I was not expecting - sadness.

Sad that this season was ending. Sad that our time in Minnesota would be coming to a close. Sad that I wouldn't be sitting on campus in the giant biomedical library, waiting for hubs to get done.

If you had told me two years ago that I would have felt this way, I honestly would have laughed in your face. Two years ago I was thinking, "how am I going to survive? two years is such a long time. I can't believe I am stuck in this freezing cold state, with the worst job in the world, thousands of miles away from family and nobody wants to be our friends."
We spent thanksgiving and Christmas alone our first year, despite the fact that many people in our church knew we had no family in the area. I was mad and disappointed at the people of Minnesota. "New Zealanders would never treat people like this, I cant believe the church here is so blind to people in need."

And yet here I was, sad about closing this chapter.

Because folks, I have grown and changed. We still don't have many friends, and we still spend holidays alone, but I am stronger. I have held tight to my husband and my God these two years, content in their arms. Having two precious years where my husband and I could spend all of our time together free from heaps of family obligations and social functions has been a blessing. We are a tightly knitted cord and I know we can survive anything.
We have experienced hardship and tears that many of my friends who live in a tight community would never experience. In some ways I feel it has prepared me for a life in missions and humanitarian aid.

I don't know what is ahead of us and where we will be living in a year from now, but my time here has shown me that I have nothing to fear and God truly does bring good things from the hardest of times.

And my mum was right, It really does take two years for any new place to feel like home :)

Coffee and a Kiss

Noah woke me up this morning by handing me my favorite coffee {a Caribou caramel high rise} and a kiss. He woke up at 630am to run out and get it for me before I woke up. Good man huh?

I'm starting my post with this because I really am just blown away by my spouse. I have had a super tough week and despite my terrible attitude throughout it, he has made sure to love and treasure me.

MY WEEK:

**I found out that I had a positive exposure to a Tuberculosis patient.
Which brought an onslaught of talks with infectious disease specialists, chest xrays, blood draws and, ofcourse, tears.
I had a special blood test that was sent out of state to the Center for Disease Control to find out more. news on that later.

*I found out that my Medical school application could be lost somewhere in the New Zealand mail system.

*I found out that getting licensed as a nurse in New Zealand is going to be near impossible.

*We discovered that with my sisters pending nuptials, we have to find a way to fund 5 round trip tickets to New Zealand in the next seven months. Dear Lord....

*Hubs keeps applying for jobs and there are just no bites yet...

*Somehow I am going to have to get leave to make it down to New Zealand in July for Med School interviews (hopefully) as well as in October for my sisters wedding...thats a little tough when you only have 40 hours of vacation accrued and there is no such thing as 'leave without pay' in the nursing field.



I feel like life was just cruising along on a fun roller coaster and then we suddenly stepped on this crazy ride that drops you up and down unexpectedly (think 'Tower of Terror').


So I'm pretty sure I have been this ridiculous person to live with. So many tears and conversations about worry, over and over again. Somehow God was amazing enough to give me a man who never worries about anything and is always just super optimistic. But umm, this can be annoying sometimes to a die-hard preparer (my term instead of pessimist, since thats what I do..prepare for the worst) :)

I became swallowed up in all of the concerns this week, and it took a sweet gesture on my husbands part to pull me out of it.

The fact is -

I have an incredible partner to get through all of this with.

Worrying won't do me any good, it will just contribute to heart disease.

Taking it one day at a time is all I really can do in the end.

There is a God who is good, and will take good care of me despite it all.

There isn't much that coffee and a kiss can't make better in my world. Thankfully I have a hubby that realized that before I did.

De-brief of test day.

So I did it. I took my huge, scary, freakishly hard test. Its the first step to getting into medical school in Australia. It was hideous, to say the least. I did well in the first two parts, but the science section was awful!! I felt like I guessed the entire three hours. When I came out I thought I would just burst into tears like the past two practice tests. But I was surprisingly calm. I think it was because I have been covered in so much prayer. My parents, friends and Noah all showered me with prayers. I also think I realized that this was not the end of the world. Being a doctor is not everything. Some days it feels like it is, but I know it isn't. When I cried about this to my mum she told me this...

"Honey, life isn't about what you do. It's about who you are. You are loved. You are a wife, daughter, sister and friend. You will love being a mother. These are all so important and are not defined by what you do. Just learn to be. Even if you fail at this, it isn't fatal. None of us will think you are a failure. We are proud that you are even being courageous and taking this darn test despite the outcome. "

Why do mums just always know exactly what to say?
So after the test I took a deep breath, and practiced the spiritual exercise of breathing in the peace, and breathing out the anxiety and fear. All of my mums comforting words came back, and so did the peace of Jesus.

Everything is going to be ok.
Failure is not fatal.
If God wants me to be a doctor, He can work miracles.
He has GOOD plans for me.

I have two months until I find out the results. Two months to let it all go, and learn to really trust God with this. These lessons are so hard sometimes to learn, but so good for our growth!

The God Factor.

Do you know that I have a 49 page Microsoft word document that I started two years ago, filled with the pro's and con's of medicine vs. nursing vs. midwifery? Crazy, I know. I have copied and pasted countless facebook, email and phone conversations into this document. When Noah first looked at it he was like, "Man you have a tough time making decisions huh?". At first I was hurt, and then I realized...yikes, this is definitely a problem. I was so worried about making the right choice, that I needed to understand how everyone else made the right choice. Hence the conversations with Doctors and Midwives. I was so afraid of living with regrets that I became this information vacuum, trying to gather as much insight as possible. I think that in some aspects, this is a wise thing. We don't want to make a huge decision based on a feeling, but on a solid foundation of input. The Bible talks about seeking input from a council of advisers. And yet in this process I totally forgot about the "God Factor" (as my mum puts it). The fact is, we all make OUR own choices. Trying to understand why another person did what they did doesn't help ME much, because I have different situation and a different background. And even with that being said, God doesn't work in the most logical ways sometimes (or most times!). It might not make sense financially, logistically to do what you are being led to do.



I also think more than anything that I have learned is that I can't worry about what anyone else will think. I come from a pretty conservative background, and married women who want to have kids (or do have kids!) don't really become doctors. Nursing is fine ("oh what a great flexible career around a family!" has been stated numerous times), but being a doctor places you in that category of 'working mom' ya know the one with the breifcase who leaves in the wee hours of the morning and returns late at night, never seeing their children who are being raised by daycare providers. But you see, that just isn't me. But I get afraid people will think that when I share my profession with them. The fact is, my husband and I are going to love our kids. We talk and think about them all the time. We've named them! And either I, my husband or my parents will be caring for our kids, not a day care provider. They are going to be loved, treasured and valued. And I know its possible because I know countless midwives and doctors who make it happen. And raise healthy, happy and together kids. So I have to stop thinking about what those church ladies are thinking and know that my husband and my Lord are on board, and thats all that matters anyways. Its so hard for me not to care what people think, I wish I was so much more secure sometimes!!!



An excerpt from a best friend in my 49 page diary -
"First things First - dont you dare not become a doctor just because you want to be a mum!! You can do both and dont let anyone tell you otherwise. Even if you took ten years off from being a doctor just to be at home with kids - youd still have millions on years to go do your fantastic job!! Please dont be that girl Amy, you know you can do it, it will just be hard. But not that hard that you can give it up! I refuse to let you do that...if you want to be a doctor, be one. AND you can also be the brilliant mum you want to be. If i had the opportunity to become a doctor, or the dream to do it, then i wouldnt let that go. You have a fantastic husband, amazing family and friends who will serve you to the end....thats alot more than most people can say. Be strong Amy, be the multi-tasker i know you can be!!"

Thank you Lord for wonderful supportive friends, the courage to do whats hard and incredible husbands who push you to become all the God meant you to be.

(p.s. had to throw a couple of me on my wedding day. Such a wonderful gift to marry my best friend soul mate, reminds me of what matters in this life!)

Cabin Fever.

Normally I do pretty well in winter.
But right now, I am dying to get some sun!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I lived in Prescott some dear friends of mine from Oregon would fly down to Phoenix to escape the rain and stay at the Scottsdale resort. They would get a bigger room so I could have a bed and I would drive down and meet them. For two days I would get to lie in the sun by the pool in December, drinking strawberry smoothies, having lavish buffet breakfasts and eat salad on the patio....












My goodness what would I give to be swimming in a pool right now!!!
Sigh.
But Im thankful for BOGO culvers sundaes on really boring days. Where hubs and I get all bundled up for ice cream and a walk around the boardwalk.
Thankful for a home to call my own, and a job that will enable me to fund future vacations.
I am so ready for the summer, and will be ever more grateful for it this year after having survived another Minnesota winter!
I'm thinking a Mediterranean cruise sounds good for our two year anniversary and Noahs graduation...don't you?!?!

:)

notes on a midwife.

*Disclaimer* *I am rather passionate about this topic. Mostly because I am rather educated on this topic. As a result, I have an opinion about it. I realize opinion posts can come across as rather one-sided. For anyone interested in this topic I do have a side that I sit in, but I do try extremely hard to see both sides. As a result, if you choose to engage in a discussion about it I will not attempt to dissuade you, judge you, prove you wrong or tell you that you are wrong. I will simply tell you why I feel they way I do, based on the information I have. As with all opinions, we can gather new information and change our minds. However on this topic I doubt I will :) *

One of my patients the other day asked what the difference was between a nurse-midwife and a doula.
Inside I kind of laughed. And then I felt sad because I'm sure a lot of women don't know. I'm sure that's why they choose lay midwives who aren't trained in fetal resuscitation, obstructed birth, post-partum hemorrhage, shoulder dystocia and the myriad of other issues that brings home birth mothers into the hospital.
How can women give their baby the best chance at life if they don't even know the difference?
For your information...

A doula is somebody that may or may not have any formal training (and by training I mean a two week class). They are often women who have had children themselves, and take on a SUPPPORTIVE role in birth. They are not medical professionals, nor do they make or can contribute to making medical decisions. They are there to be an encouraging voice in natural labor, to hold hands, play music and massage feet.

And therin lies where the nurse-midwife comes in. A nurse-midwife is a health care professional who has first completed a bachelors of science in nursing degree. They then go on to obtain their Masters (and now Doctorate) in Advanced Nurse Practice in Nurse Midwifery. They take a national exam to be certified. They are overseen by a professional nursing board. They are autonomous practitioners with a minimum of 6 years education. They have performed observed births, taken pharmacology classes and understand how to manage complicated labors. They are the guardians of natural birth. They are legally allowed to deliver in hospitals, own their own clinic and see patients on their own. They can also prescribe.

Obstetricians are medical doctors. They have a four year undergraduate degree, a four year masters degree in medicine, and a four year residency in obstetrics and gynecology. They are primary care providers for women in both before, during and after pregnancy as well as surgeons. OBGYN's are famous for C-sections, but they also do a variety of other gynecological surgeries. These providers are guardians of complicated births. Midwives turn over their patients to doctors when they are older mothers, have co-morbidities like diabetes, hypertension, heart disorders and pregnancy complications like placenta previa and abruptio and fetal abnormalities. OB docs are highly trained and specialized. Many women are wary of them because they think they are out to pull you into a c-section. While some OB docs definitely do abuse c-sections as an easy way out, c-sections are necessary in about 8% of births (statistically speaking). 8 in every 1,000 women will have complications that will warrant surgical intervention.

Lay midwives (who rarely call themselves that) do not necessarily have any formal medical training, and tell women that they can deliver their babies. They have to do this at home or in personal birthing centers because they cannot legally do so in a hospital setting. It is my understanding that lay midwives are the most associated midwives with complications (maternal and fetal death). For the life of me I could never understand how somebody without adequate training (shadowing just isn't enough people) could put themselves in a place where they are setting themselves up to fail. I could never promise to do something that I was not 100% sure I could do as safely as possible. While I am a nurse, and have been trained how to do an emergency birth ('catch the baby') and have labor and delivery experience I would never go to another country or home town and say that I could deliver babies. Heck no! If something happened to a mother or baby because of me, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I would have known that I did not have the adequate training.

I am pretty passionate about the role of nurse-midwives (CNM's). I think it is a more holisitc way of managing labor (for low-risk, young women). They have equal outcomes to OBGYN's. Hopefully in the future when I am in OB doc I can be a positive voice for this profession, committing to be a back-up doctor for CNM's to whom they can call for support and advice.

I will, however, remain strongly assertive against lay midwives. Obviously I believe in personal choice. When women make informed decisions to chose lay midwives, more power to them. I am not say all lay midwives are bad. They are just a few rotten ones out there. My issue is when women are placing the health and safety of themselves and their infants into the hands of someone who has not been upfront about their training and abilities.

Personally I would choose to place the life, health and safety of my baby as my top priority, not my birth experience. I believe having a positive birth experience is possible in the hospital, which is great because its also the safest place for your baby to be if something goes wrong. I know that deep down inside if I lost my baby because I gave birth to it in the way I wanted (i.e. at home, unassisted, in a rural area etc) and something happened to my baby, I would be so, so gutted at myself. But I realize some women want a birth experience that is different. That is fine. We all live with our choices in the end!

I love this topic and willing to discuss it with anyone!